The Stories We Learn to Believe
Our last article explored the experience of recognising something within ourselves before we're ready to fully acknowledge it. Sometimes it's a feeling, a quiet knowing, or an intuitive voice that we've dismissed, questioned, or explained away.
What stayed with us afterwards wasn't the knowing itself.
It was something else.
If many of us already know more than we realise, how do we come to believe the things we believe about ourselves in the first place?
Have you ever noticed how two people can live through the same experience and walk away with completely different understandings of what happened?
The event may be the same. The conversation may be the same. Yet the meaning each person carries away can be entirely different.
What strikes us is how much of our lives are shaped not only by what happens to us, but by the meaning we create around those experiences. Every day, often without realising it, we are interpreting, understanding and making sense of the world around us.
Over time, those understandings can become part of the way we see ourselves. They begin to feel less like stories and more like truth. We carry beliefs about who we are, what we deserve, what is possible, what is safe, and how life works.
Perhaps that's why they can be so difficult to recognise. We don't wake up one morning and decide to believe we're not confident enough, not ready yet, or that other people's needs matter more than our own. Often these understandings have been with us for so long that they simply feel like part of who we are.
Perhaps that's why we rarely question them. They can feel as obvious as our favourite route home or the way we automatically reach for a familiar mug in the kitchen.
Yet many of these stories seem to have a history of their own.
Sometimes the origins are obvious. We can trace them back to a disappointment we never quite forgot, a relationship that changed how we saw ourselves, or a comment that stayed with us long after it was spoken.
Other times the origins are harder to identify. We simply find ourselves carrying an understanding that feels familiar without being entirely sure when it first took shape.
At the time, we were doing what most human beings do. We were trying to understand what was happening, make sense of our experiences, navigate our relationships, and work out where we fit within the world around us.
Sometimes those understandings stay with us long after the original experience has passed. They can become so familiar that we stop noticing them altogether until something quietly brings them back into view.
A conversation stays with us long after it has ended. We find ourselves having the same disagreement in different relationships. We react to something in a way that feels bigger than the moment itself.
And suddenly, something we had stopped noticing begins to come into focus.
Seeing The Story
One of the more surprising things about recognising a story is that it doesn't necessarily change the story immediately.
The story may still be there. The feelings connected to it may still be there. Life doesn't suddenly rearrange itself because we've recognised something we hadn't noticed before.
What often changes is our relationship with the story.
Before we can see it, it tends to feel like reality itself. We don't question it because we've been living alongside it for so long that it simply feels true. Yet once it comes into view, even briefly, something begins to shift.
Instead of automatically accepting every conclusion, we become curious. We start asking questions.
Is this still true today?
Does this reflect who I am now?
Where did this understanding come from?
Sometimes the questions themselves begin changing the way we see the story.
A Different Way Of Looking
The longer we sit with this conversation, the more these stories begin to look like attempts to make sense of our experiences.
Most of us can probably think of times when we were simply trying to understand what was happening, where we belonged, or what a particular experience meant about ourselves. We made sense of those moments as best we could, often without realising that some of those understandings would travel with us long after the experience itself had passed.
Perhaps that's why recognising a story can feel emotional. We're seeing something familiar from a different perspective.
A belief that once felt unquestionable begins to look more like an understanding that developed over time.
Perhaps we've spent years believing we're not capable enough, not lovable enough, or that we always have to be the strong one, or that our needs matter less than everyone else's.. What once felt like a fact begins to look more like a conclusion that formed somewhere along the way.
A conclusion we carried for years reveals itself as one way of making sense of an experience rather than the only possible truth about who we are.
Sometimes the story doesn't immediately disappear, but the conversation we have with ourselves around it begins to change.
And perhaps that is where our relationship with the story begins to change too.
Reflection
Perhaps one of the most interesting things about the stories we carry is how familiar they become.
Over time they can settle so comfortably into the background of our lives that we stop noticing them altogether. They simply become part of how we see ourselves, other people, and the experiences we move through.
As you reflect on this conversation, is there a story that comes to mind that you have carried for a long time? Something that has become so familiar that you have rarely stopped to question where it came from.
If that story had a beginning somewhere along the way, what experiences may have helped shape it?
What moments gave it meaning?
And when you look at it through the eyes of the person you are today, does it feel exactly the same as it once did?
Continue the Conversation
Perhaps what makes these stories so interesting is that most of them were never deliberately chosen.
They emerged gradually through the ordinary experiences of living a life and, over time, became part of the way we understood ourselves and the world around us.
If this article has you reflecting on the stories, meanings, and understandings you've carried through life, you may enjoy exploring our Self-Awareness Pillar, where we gently explore the stories, patterns, perceptions, and understandings that shape how we see ourselves and our lives.
You can explore The Five Pillars of Remembering here:
The Five Pillars of Remembering - The Sisterhood of SHE
Conversations like this also sit at the heart of The Journey of Remembering, our framework for helping women better understand themselves through awareness, reflection, curiosity, and compassion.
You can learn more about The Journey of Remembering here:
One of the things we love most about The Sisterhood of SHE is hearing the reflections, stories, and insights shared by the women in this community. If something in this article sparked a thought, a memory, or a new awareness, feel free to reach out and share it with us.
You can email us anytime at support@thesisterhoodofshe.com.
And if someone came to mind while reading this, maybe send this their way too. Sometimes we all need reminders that we are not alone in what we carry.
For the moments you need to feel a little more like yourself again.
The Sisterhood of SHE